ARIANNA HUFFINGTON

A year to forget
A list of news we wish we could leave behind us

While so many year-end publications focus on what we should remember about the year now grinding to a close, I'd like to continue this column's contrarian tradition of pointing out the things we'd all be better off never having cross our minds again.

Here then is a list of all the things I'd like to forget, circa 2004:

Bernard Kerik's nanny. Bernard Kerik's Ground Zero love nest. Bernard Kerik.

That the woman who dismissed a presidential briefing entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." as a "historical" document is going to be our next secretary of state.

That a man who finds the Geneva Conventions "quaint" is going to be our next attorney general.

Janet Jackson's briefly exposed right boob.

That it took 14 months and public protests from the victims' families before the president OK'd the 9/11 Commission, but only two weeks before the first hearings were held on Janet Jackson's boob.

That the media thought "Don't be economic girlie men" was a great line.

Scott Peterson's love of golf. And that his lawyers thought it was a reason he shouldn't be sentenced to death.

Paris Hilton's new perfume. Paris Hilton's new album. Paris Hilton's new book. Paris Hilton.

"Surviving Christmas," "Jersey Girl," J-Lo: Ben Affleck goes 0-for-2004.

Madrid, Spain, March 11, 2004.

Beslan, Russia, Sept. 3, 2004.

That the Federal budget deficit hit $413 billion this year, and two-thirds of it is the result of Bush's tax cuts.

That Dick Cheney is talking about another round of tax cuts.

What Colin Powell did to his credibility. "You break it, you live with it for the rest of your life."

"I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it."

That picture of Lynndie England holding the leash.

The way the administration tried to sweep Abu Ghraib under the rug.

William Hung, recording artist.

Ashlee Simpson, lip synch artist.

Bob Dylan, lingerie salesman.

That George Tenet, who knew that the intel on Iraqi WMD was thinner than Lara Flynn Boyle on Dexatrim, turned into the Dick Vitale of WMD: "It's a slam dunk, baby!"

That George Tenet was subsequently awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor.

That a 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich allegedly bearing the likeness of the Virgin Mary sold for $28,000 on eBay.

The 10,000 Web remixes incorporating The Dean Scream.

That of the roughly 550 enemy combatants held captive in Guantanamo Bay, only four have been formally charged.

The Pistons/Pacers basketbrawl.

The looks on George and Laura Bush's faces when Dr. Phil asked them about the "epidemic levels of oral sex" in America's middle schools.

That Osama is still on the loose -- and releasing tapes.

That the Kyoto Protocol was ratified -- and we aren't part of it.

That Ken Lay has still not gone to trial or served a minute in jail.

That 35.9 million Americans live below the poverty line -- 12.9 million of them children.

That 42 percent of Americans still think Saddam Hussein was "directly involved in planning, financing or carrying out" the 9/11 attacks.

That, thanks to presidential cutbacks, we actually have fewer police and first responders on the streets today than we had on 9/11.

Star Jones' wedding.

The Movie Multiplex from Hell: "Alexander," "My Baby's Daddy," "Thunderbirds," "Sleepover," "Around the World in 80 Days."

The iPod Party Mix from Hell: Jessica Simpson's "Take My Breath Away," William Hung's "She Bangs," Britney Spears' "Toxic," Britney Spears' "My Prerogative," Britney Spears' "I've Just Begun Having My Fun."

That Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld couldn't find time to personally sign letters of condolence to the families of troops killed in Iraq.

That Deputy Defense Secretary Wolfowitz couldn't remember the number of soldiers who'd lost their lives in Iraq.

Drilling for oil in ANWR. I've been desperately trying to forget this one since 2001, but the White House just won't let me.

SHAMED FOR THE MEAGER FUNDS OFFERED, BUSH ADMIN FINALLY GETS OFF ITS ASS AND DOES SOMETHING

After being criticized for offering a paltry $15 million towards the tsunami disaster relief, Bush finally pulls the stick out of his ass and upps the aid to $350 million. That should have been the FIRST figure, but let me tell you it better not be that last.

REPUBLICANS WANT TO MAKE IT HARDER TO BRING THEMSELVES UP ON ETHICS CHARGES

The New York Times is reporting that moves are being made to make it harder to bring someone up on ethics charges. Corruption amongst government officials running rampant. Expect Bush to declare himself king any day now.

Death toll update: 114,000

Did you want to go that silly inauguration? Ask your Democratic senators for tickets as soon as possible so they don't hand their extras over to Republicans. HURRY HURRY!

New poll shows that more people are now AGAINST the war in Iraq. Where were they when the elections happened???

MUSCLE RELAXANTS AND INSOMNIA = MOXIEGRRRL UPDATE

I've got Torticollis again - literally severe pain in the neck. Last time I got valium. This time I got the cheap stuff. I appreciate the doctor's concern about side-effects, but I really would have appreciated the valium a bit more.

So I noticed this little gem of a headline on CNN... $2 million to save Army marriages - As many as 1 in 5 married soldiers sent to war get a divorce. You know, I respect that the Army wants to help soldiers readjust and all, but personally, I think the soldiers are doing much better that regular civilians in the divorce rates. Typically half of all married couples will get divorced. They are saying 20% of soldiers get divorced. So soldiers might actually know how to be married a lot better than the rest of us, and they want to use $2 million to save more?

This is what I am saying, people. Let's stop and think about it for a bit.

Good night. See you tomorrow.

BAD PUBLICITY GETS BUSH TO ACT MORE LIKE A HUMAN, STILL LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE

So Bush adds $20 million more to the $15 mil he started with. Good. Another large contribution and I'll think we might have a shot at looking like the great nation we can be.

But then he goes and does the biggest asshole move I have ever seen in my entire life. HE ORGANIZES AN INTERNATIONAL TSUNAMI AID COALITION designed to gather up a bunch of organizations and head on over to Asia to help out.

HEY DIPSHIT! YOU'RE THE LAST ONE ON THE BOAT! You have the balls to put together a group of people to get other aid and charity groups to get together with you and go over to help? YOU FUCKING MORON. THEY ARE ALREADY THERE.

<-----"pompous motherfucker"

YOU FUCKING RED PEOPLE VOTED FOR THIS POMPOUS MOTHERFUCKER. You LIKE that he's showing up to the party telling other people how to dance? You think this is going to make us look helpful to the rest of the world? No, it's going to make us look like a bunch of POMPOUS MOTHERFUCKERS.

And even MORE under the OBVIOUS column: the US government is telling Americans who survived the tsunami to call home. "Oh no, I thought that after cheating death and witnessing horrors beyond my wildest imagination, I'd just kick back and relax for a bit... Maybe take in some sun, do a little shopping. I don't have time to CALL HOME!" More asshattery the likes I have never seen.

Oh fuck. Toll is over 100,000.

Is it just conspiracy theorists gone insane or was the tsunami caused by man drilling for oil? If nothing else, click on the link and play with the picture of the water, it's a rollover and pretty cool one at that. I'd like to steal it, but I won't.

GODDAMMIT! JERRY ORBACH DIED!

Any Law and Order fans out there? Lennie Briscoe died. That fucking sucks. He was supposed to start another L&O spinoff, too.

And in other depressing news, the tsunami death toll is up to 76,700.

DEATH TOLL RISES ABOVE 60,000 and AN AMERICAN IN THAILAND IS TREATED LIKE SHIT BY OUR OWN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS

An American diver who was in the water when the tsunami rolled in was completely oblivious to the disaster until well after they surfaced. And, big surprise, US consulate officials acted like a bunch of assholes...

Excerpt: Faye Wachs said she was impressed by the efforts of the Thai government and the International Committee for the Red Cross, but "she was appalled at the treatment they got" from the U.S. government, her mother said.

At the airport in Bangkok, other governments had set up booths to greet nationals who had been affected and to help repatriate them, she said.

That was not the case with the U.S. government, Wachs told her mother. It took the couple three hours, she said, to find the officials from the American consulate, who were in the VIP lounge.

Because they had lost all their possessions, including their documentation, they had to have new passports issued.

But the U.S. officials demanded payment to take the passport pictures, Helen Wachs said.

The couple had managed to hold on to their ATM card, so they paid for the photos and helped other Americans who did not have any money get their pictures taken and buy food, Helen Wachs said.

"She was really very surprised" that the government did so little to ease their ordeal, she said.

I'm not surprised. Hanging out in the VIP lounge, eh? Made them pay for new passport photos? Fucking dicks.

TSUNAMI DEATH TOLL RISEN TO 40,000

Read about it here. Donate to relief efforts here.

ARE YOU A CONSPIRACY THEORIST?

Then I'm sure you loved this news about Rumsfeld calling the plane that went down in PA on 9/11 "shot down". The Blue Lemur also has a story on it.

The Washington Post is reporting on a Gulfstream jet that secretly carries prisoners to other countries for "interrogation". The CIA calls it "rendition". I think it's closer to "torture".

Bush spends post-Christmas holiday "monitoring" earthquake damage just like he did last year - in his dumbass Crawford ranch. "He's been monitoring it very closely," White House spokesman Trent Duffy told reporters at a briefing here. "He's seen some of the images on television." Aww, how fucking nice of him.

From a passionate blogger: Major television networks refuse to release data to Congressional inquiry

Even more is coming to light about Ohio... The ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee, John Conyers, Jr. (D-Mich.) issued a stinging letter to the president of Triad Election Systems Thursday, remarking that he had "more questions and concerns than ever" after viewing a tape of Triad's visit to the Hocking County Board of Elections Dec. 20.

Here's why Bush makes us broke

US ALREADY ON U.N.'s SHIT LIST FOR BEING 'STINGY"

In a news conference at U.N. headquarters in New York, Jan Egeland (undersecretary-general for humanitarian affairs and emergency relief) called for a major international response -- and went so far as to call the U.S. government and others "stingy" on foreign aid in general. "If, actually, the foreign assistance of many countries now is 0.1 or 0.2 percent of the gross national income, I think that is stingy, really," he said. "I don't think that is very generous." The U.S. government expects to spend $15 million in its initial response to the disaster, the State Department said Monday. The United States' overall foreign aid commitment is around 0.2 percent of its gross national product.

Fifteen million dollars should be the FIRST installment. At least TWENTY-THREE THOUSAND PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED. Most of us will never have that many dollars in our bank account at one time. That's almost the entire country of Monaco. Fucking A.

I GO ON A BENDER AND THE WORLD GOES TO HELL

Yep, four days since I updated. Figured I would take the few days around Christmas to focus on really getting drunk off my ass. Assumed that the world would, of course, go on with it's bad self, but had no idea the trouble that could be caused when I am passed out.



WHAT THE FUCK? Mother nature says fuck you to Asia, and I still don't know why because they are the least likely to fuck up the planet. My god. The loss of life is unfathomable. Over 23,000 so far. Entire villages were wiped out. They have to pile rotting bodies because there is no room for them.



An aerial view of where the tsunami hit the coastal outskirts of Banda Aceh.

I can't bring myself to post photos of dead children here because I started to cry when I saw them. I know a lot of you spent more than they should for the holidays, and perhaps have already made your donations to various charities, but if you can find a few extra bucks in your couch cushions or something, please consider donating to the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies (the International Red Cross). Please help them.



In more news about Captain Happypants: President Bush faces a major rebellion within his own party if he follows through on a promise to push legislation that would offer millions of illegal immigrants a path to U.S. citizenship.

Opponents of gay marriage concede victory will not be swift in their attempt to amend the U.S. Constitution, even after prevailing in all 11 states where the issue was on the ballot last month. While the Nov. 2 election also increased the ranks of amendment supporters in both houses of Congress, the gains were relatively small. "We're going to have to see additional court cases come down" supporting gay marriage before congressional sentiment shifts dramatically, predicted Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, who supports the amendment that failed in both houses of Congress this year.

U.S. Dispatches Disaster Teams to Asia - The United States dispatched disaster specialists Monday and prepared an initial $15 million aid package to the Asian countries hit by a massive earthquake and tsunamis. U.S. officials were seeking to contact hundreds of Americans who remain unaccounted for in the region. Well I should HOPE SO. Although it seems to me like $15mil is chump change when we're at almost $150 BILLION for this "freeing of Iraq" we're supposed to be doing.

Ukraine loser pretends he has a chance in hell at keeping power after more that 77% of eligible voters show up at the polls to oust him and get the poor poisoned guy in. GO UKRAINIANS!